A Haiku on Fire Alarms, and How Much They Annoy Me

I sat, serene, the
Room was quiet, still, empty
The alarm went off

I stand, in the wet
Grass and consider, glad I
Was not showering

The moral of this
Story is that one must use
More care when cooking

Completely random and Very Funny Quotations

From a random girl I walked past in front of the MU-

"...and then I told him...there is like no way those could be my pajamas...I don't even own any pajamas!"

"...and then we get to the Count (a character in the Marriage of Figaro) who, lets face it, is basically a complete asshole." -Dr. Jacquie Scott (my badass human event teacher who wears gorgeous clothing, great heels, and is a totally awesome feminist...)

In my Bones, Stones, Human Evolution textbook-

"The chances of a structure like the human eye arising completely by chance are like a hurricane blowing through a junkyard and by chance assembling a Boeing 747"

"God Bless Women...its the little things you learn, like you will never again wear jeweled underwear to pilates, because that cute little jewel is now forever imprinted into your back." 

-Pilates teacher

"Basically...people have sex. And then along comes a baby."

-Dr. Thomas Puleo (who, incidently is the best dressed male professor I have ever met)

shouldve had this one for zits last year...

xkcd.com

I walked past...then I backed up and walked past again...

...hmm

The Happiest Place On Earth

Disneyland is a place

Far outside of time and space

There are no papers

Summer Research Snafus

What do you mean that
I have to have a research
Proposal next mon.?

Neologism contest

I suspect you're all the sort to like this sort of thing... :P

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. Enjoy!

 The winners are:
 1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
 3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
 5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
 6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
 7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
 8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
 9. Flatulence (n .) emergency vehicle that  picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
 10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:
1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright idea s from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of having sex.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
 4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
 5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
 6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
 7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
 8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease.
 9. Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
 And the pick of the literature:
16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

Slideshow Help

I have been trying to get the slideshow to function....and as far as you all can probably can see, it is not working very well. I have a bunch of pics tagged scattered_alaska, and the only one that shows up is Justin in Prince William Sound. While a lovely picture, there are plenty of other ones I would like to show up... And it now seems to be working in the preview window but not actually on the blog...but now it is only showing like the five pics Rianne has posted...so confusing.

And don't stop reading at my boring post, Andrea has a lovely picture and poetry down below.

Photos on a Rainy Day

I wake, the sky is
dark, full of clouds, pregnant with
moisture, class beckons

Physics class, too warm
California heat on a
Chilly winter day

Outside the chill soaks
Into my clothes, the sky glows
With light from nowhere

Grab my camara,
The lighting is perfect for
photos, soft and clean

Drip, drip, the trees drop
Moisture onto the bright red
Of my umbrella

Soft light makes flowers
Glow from within, flash! destroyed
By forgetfulness

Settings reset, once
More I attempt to compose
Colors in a shot

A lilly in the
Fountain glows, gold fish swim below
Disturb reflection

Leaves float in a small
Puddle between paving stones
Forever captured

Deep blue iris glistens
With beads of water, each one
Attracts the eye more

A lamp-post stands, alone
The curve of a bench accents
The unyeilding form

The battery quits
Protests the hours my camara
Has spent on this day

Return in the rain
I glance behind, so many
Potential pictures

Fire Goddess Confession

On the evening of January 4th our dear friend Emily came up to me at Aimie's birthday party. Putting her arm around my shoulders, she said, "You know I hate to say this but it's a bit too cold for skiing. Do you think you could warm things up a bit?"

Now everyone knows I am the Fire Goddess, Bane to Skiiers and their precious snow. Thankfully in past years we have come to an agreement. They give me cheesecake and they can keep their cold snow. I had never had a Skiier ask me to make things warmers but I assumed it would require the same payment.

"You have cheesecake?"

Emily shook her head. "No, but we are eating pretty good ice cream cake. That should be enough."

"Ok, I'll see what I can do."

What Emily and I failed to take note of was that we were eating sacred ice cream cake of the mint chip variety. Two days after I got back from Nome the temperature started to rise and as most of you know the rest of the story is history. Ski races, school, and a lot of other things were canceled because of too much warmth. 

The moral of this story: Don't ask the Fire Goddess to make it warm until spring and don't underestimate the power of the sacred ice cream.