Late at night

i sit on my bed

feel the tenseness in my shoulders

a combination 

of exercise classes, 

carrying water, 

and stress

i stare at my computer screen

willing my thoughts to arrange themselves into an essay

look through old photos

read and reread the texts

wish i could just go to sleep

i sit

listen to the hum of the air 

the soft breath of my roommate

and chill music from pandora

i sit

my mind preoccupied with my to-do list for the week

always thinking of the next thing

but

maybe

for now

I will live

just today

i sit

and i listen

and i think

i think of that girl trapped in the wallpaper

too weak? 

just caught,

pinned into a role she has no desire to inhabit

i am not that girl

i will live for me

pursue my passions

my interests

once i figure out just what they are

but for now

i sit

i think

i begin to write.