Most Epic Trilingual Scrabble Game Ever

Neologism contest

I suspect you're all the sort to like this sort of thing... :P

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. Enjoy!

 The winners are:
 1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
 3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
 5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
 6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
 7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
 8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
 9. Flatulence (n .) emergency vehicle that  picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
 10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:
1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright idea s from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of having sex.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
 4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
 5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
 6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
 7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
 8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease.
 9. Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
 And the pick of the literature:
16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

Say what??

In honor of the holidays, I'm going to post something completely unrelated to any winter celebration whatsoever...just something that I deal with every day that it occured to me might be sort of funny to read--the literal transliteration between English and Norwegian. Since the two languages share a great deal still and more or less came from the same languages, most things can be translated literally and directly between the two and still make sense, as long as you go back and rearrange the grammar. Usage, however, is a different story. Here's some very commonly used phrases in Norwegian, their literal translation, and the most common English phrase to say the same thing:

Hva skjer a? - What cuts? - How's it going/what's happening?

Hvis du vil - If you will- If you'd like to (in certain situations this sounds quite strange)

Hvis du har lyst til - if you have lust to - If you want (it was literally months before I could bring myself to say this)

Fy faen oss - oh damn us - general obscenity exclamation, (not especially mild but very common nonetheless) but when Norwegians are speaking english, they often translate it as 'fuck us', which i invariably find hilarious

messing naken - brass naked - norwegians translate this one as 'really naked' or 'very naked'...just an expression but rather entertaining to hear them try to explain to the american the difference between 'naked' and 'really naked'

i det pratsomme hjørnet - in the talkative corner (prate = chat) - in a talkative mood

anyway, you get the point.

Sometimes you just have to write sonnets.

I saw a pretty color here today

Quite early in the morning, as it were

But is it found in nature? Hard to say

It wasn't grass or leaves or branch of fir

But stunning green--it brightened up my day

And had a strange, compelling sort of lure

But like the summer winds, too short a stay--

and I just wish that I could have been sure

What you would call this color, if one day

You saw it in a paint shop--'Foam of Mer'?

'Electric Green', perhaps, or 'Algæ Bay'?

Or weirder--'Marshy Thoughts'? 'Elysian Shore'?

But I suppose you all will think it's rot

When you find out this was an ode to snot.

new necklace!

So this summer, one of the many interesting characters I met wore rather a lot of jewelry, and among his clinking collection was a necklace he'd made out of a guitar string. Being the sort of person I am, I immediately asked him which string it was...but his answer was disappointing, it was an E. It was still pretty neat though. 

However, it never really left my mind...so later this year, when I was talking with my many-instrument-playing friend here, I mentioned in passing that I'd always wanted a necklace like that, but not necessarily one from an E. 

Well, anyway, last night I got a text from her-- 'I broke a string! damn! but you can have it if you want.'

That's right. Ladies and gentlemen, I am now the proud owner--and wearer--of a G string necklace.

On hearing about everyone's lives via pictures, narratives and haikus rather than one-line statuses

I just wanted to

take a moment to say that

this sure beats facebook.

Is it sad to think of your life in terms of your facebook status?

When I go home, I

know what it'll be: 'So long and

thanks for all the fish.'

Coincidentally, I was just talking with another US exchange student about baking cookies...

Samantha's pictures

of delicious fresh-baked goods 

look great. I want some! :P

Cultural Differences

So when you go on exchange, the people who are supposed to prepare you for it go on for hours about culture shock and cultural differences and how essentially you're going to find the new culture weird as hell. But I'm in Norway, and honestly the culture is not that different...and the differences are mostly subtle, like calling adults by their first names and tucking your pant cuffs into your socks, not major cultural differences. One of the others is that they're not Puritan...meaning that there isn't really a strong social taboo against changing in public/in front of members of the opposite sex. There's a more practical attitude towards clothes, namely, warmth, function, style and so on...but things like all of the girls showering together after gym takes some getting used to. Well, anyway, I had thought I was totally used to this. But today...

I had an orchestra concert and we were there the normal two-and-a-half-hours early, hanging out backstage. Most of us had come in concert clothing but some people brought different shoes or something to change into, as it was pouring buckets outside. I was standing somewhat in the middle of the room, learning a norwegian fiddle tune while playing it (um...that sounds weird...but basically if i watch the other fiddler's fingers really closely i can play along and learn it as i go) when another violinist, a guy about my age, walks in. I look up briefly, get the nod, and then go back to concentrating. Said violinist my age, who is best described as 'dashingly handsome', puts down his case and motorcycle helmet, pulls out a pile of black dress clothing, looks around, and nonchalantly takes off his shirt, conveniently directly within my line of sight while watching the fiddler's fingers. I, uh, might have missed a few notes, but managed to not stare openly. But apparently I'm not as used to Norwegian cultural norms as I should be, because I was somewhat surprised when he also changed his pants. 

Something that I keep realizing while sitting in classes here.

My US public
high school education was
actually quite good.

Political haikus.

I'm always amused

at the way people ask me

why I'm in Norway.

The teenagers say

with horrified expressions,

'Why leave the US?'

They have all been there--

to New York City to shop,

to the Grand Canyon.

Their America 

is what they see on TV:

rich, pretty, happy.

Adults are different.

Some understand the bubble

that is our border

and know what I mean

with 'it's good to see outside'--

a new perspective. 

But I find it strange

that Norwegians do not see

their little country--

their Labor party

and classless society

(Lennon's 'Imagine')

works out much better

for most of the citizens

than where I am from.

But now I've lived here

enough to see the difference:

people aren't worried

about food or rent

about money for college--

the government helps!

The small changes made--

free health care more than all else

bring them peace of mind. 

I can't help but think

it could be like this at home.

And maybe it can.

And maybe we can!

Vote Obama! ...and also

take with you a friend!

The Omnivore's Hundred

Here’s a chance for a little interactivity for all the bloggers out there. Below is a list of 100 things that I think every good omnivore should have tried at least once in their life. The list includes fine food, strange food, everyday food and even some pretty bad food - but a good omnivore should really try it all. Don’t worry if you haven’t, mind you; neither have I, though I’ll be sure to work on it. Don’t worry if you don’t recognise everything in the hundred, either; Wikipedia has the answers.

Here’s what I want you to do:

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Place an "O" next to all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Place an "X" next to any items that you would never consider eating.
4) Optional extra: Post a comment here at www.verygoodtaste.co.uk linking to your results.

The VGT Omnivore’s Hundred:

1. Venison 0
2. Nettle tea 0
3. Huevos rancheros 0
4. Steak tartare 0
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding 0
7. Cheese fondue 0
8. Carp 0
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari  0
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich x
14. Aloo gobi 0
15. Hot dog from a street cart 0
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns 0
20. Pistachio ice cream x
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries 0
23. Foie gras 0
24. Rice and beans 0
25. Brawn, or head cheese 0
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche 0
28. Oysters 0
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl 0(yay The Bake Shop!)
33. Salted lassi 0
34. Sauerkraut 0
35. Root beer float 0
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea 0

38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo 0
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat 0

42. Whole insects 0
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk 0
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala 0
48. Eel

49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut  0
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer  0
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal x
56. Spaetzle 0
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV 0
59. Poutine 0
60. Carob chips 0
61. S’mores 0
62. Sweetbreads 0
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian

66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake 0
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain  0
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette 0
71. Gazpacho  0
72. Caviar and blini 0
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost  0
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie 0
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum 0
82. Eggs Benedict 0
83. Pocky 0
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare 0
87. Goulash 0
88. Flowers 0
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam  0
92. Soft shell crab 0
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish  0
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox  0
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta  0
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake

Another note: honestly, I don't think this list is complete or optimal...what should be on here that isn't? Anyone?

I'm thinking moose, bear, raw tuna sushi with wasabi, a kebab from a street vendor, homemade chocolate-chip cookie dough furitively eaten, fish and chips with vinegar, pickled daikon, snow, papaya with lime, and a perfectly ripe mango. 

Something I Noticed During A Conversation In Which I Nodded And Smiled And Understood Nothing At All

Norwegian sounds like
Iambic pentameter.
Very poetic.

The Furthest Corner

When Alaska scattered, I ended up ten thousand miles away, in a place that looks suspiciously like Fairbanks in parts....that's right, Hagan, Norway. And, like any good exchange student, I spend a lot of time comparing AK and Norway, which is exactly what they tell you not to do. But I can't help it. Anyway, some stuff is scarily similar-- skiing and school social structure and scenery and other esses....
The differences take longer to notice. Obviously, the language, which I expected. But every now and then, something sort of jumps up and hits me in the face. Licorice candy is heavily salted and tastes of ammonia, even when it looks perfectly innocent. It's fashionable to tuck one's pants into one's socks, sometimes with a hairtie wrapped around at the ankle as well, just to make sure the cuff is as tight as possible. (And don't ask me about man-pris!) In Oslo, there are places where drug users can get free needles, because that way at least they can shoot up safely. And they include an excerpt from the Kama Sutra in a textbook of mine...right next to the excerpt from the Bible.
Oh, and I can't count the number of times that I've had to explain that (a) Alaska is not its own country (b) Alaska is not part of Canada (c) There are 50 states now, and AK is one, and (d) Yes, people really live in AK. But I guess it's understandable, because usually they cut most of Alaska off on world maps, because anything west of California and east of Japan really isn't important.
Well, other than that, I'm doing the normal exchange studenty things....getting lost, taking the wrong busses, figuring out the money, speaking broken pidgin norwegian, accidentally mispronouncing words so they sound like norwegian profanity, understanding what the teachers say in class but not wanting to admit it because then I'd actually be expected to do homework....and generally having a good time.
Further bulletins as events warrant.
Liz