A Haiku on Fire Alarms, and How Much They Annoy Me

I sat, serene, the
Room was quiet, still, empty
The alarm went off

I stand, in the wet
Grass and consider, glad I
Was not showering

The moral of this
Story is that one must use
More care when cooking

Completely random and Very Funny Quotations

From a random girl I walked past in front of the MU-

"...and then I told him...there is like no way those could be my pajamas...I don't even own any pajamas!"

"...and then we get to the Count (a character in the Marriage of Figaro) who, lets face it, is basically a complete asshole." -Dr. Jacquie Scott (my badass human event teacher who wears gorgeous clothing, great heels, and is a totally awesome feminist...)

In my Bones, Stones, Human Evolution textbook-

"The chances of a structure like the human eye arising completely by chance are like a hurricane blowing through a junkyard and by chance assembling a Boeing 747"

"God Bless Women...its the little things you learn, like you will never again wear jeweled underwear to pilates, because that cute little jewel is now forever imprinted into your back." 

-Pilates teacher

"Basically...people have sex. And then along comes a baby."

-Dr. Thomas Puleo (who, incidently is the best dressed male professor I have ever met)

shouldve had this one for zits last year...

xkcd.com

I walked past...then I backed up and walked past again...

...hmm

The Happiest Place On Earth

Disneyland is a place

Far outside of time and space

There are no papers

Summer Research Snafus

What do you mean that
I have to have a research
Proposal next mon.?

Neologism contest

I suspect you're all the sort to like this sort of thing... :P

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. Enjoy!

 The winners are:
 1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
 3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
 5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
 6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
 7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
 8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
 9. Flatulence (n .) emergency vehicle that  picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
 10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:
1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright idea s from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of having sex.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
 4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
 5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
 6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
 7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
 8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease.
 9. Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
 And the pick of the literature:
16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.